Pho Friday

Things I learned while eating pho at lunch today.

  1. I should always eat pho by myself in a quiet corner. Because while I love pho, I don’t know how to eat it.
  2. I should always wear a bib when eating pho, since all the slurping I do results in dots of broth all over my front (which today was a dress). This will help reduce dry cleaning bills, which will afford me to buy more pho.

when the numbers don’t add up

The CDC says that 1 in 5 women in the US have been raped, or experienced attempted rape, in their lives. Violence against women is a BFD, in my opinion. One-third of US women say they have been raped, beaten, stalked, or assaulted in some combination. These are just REPORTED numbers. The Enliven Project produced an infographic (see pic) that shows that 90% go unreported.

rapist_visualization_03 enliven project
Given these numbers, I would think that as I go about my day, about 10% of the men I pass must have committed some crime of violence against a woman.

But if I look up the actual numbers, we find that only about 6% of men admitted to raping (or attempted rape of a woman). This is from a 2002 study that David Lisak did of 2000 male college students. Of those that admitted to the crime, 63% said they did it more than once (with an average of 6 rape acts).

That can’t be right. 

So, of course, I have to investigate this. Because the numbers just don’t add up. If 20% of women are sexually assaulted, and 90% don’t even report their assault, then there has to be more than 6% perpetrating the crime.

Well, I found my answer. On, of course. Thee premier website for statistics. They posted about a more recent study that found the number to be 10.8%.

But new research suggests that this “serial rape assumption” may need some rethinking. In a paper published Monday in JAMA Pediatrics, a group of sexual assault researchers led by Kevin Swartout, an assistant professor of psychology at Georgia State University, used longitudinal data to track more than 1,000 male students at two southeastern universities over four years. Using the FBI’s definition of rape, the researchers found a higher proportion of men — 10.8 percent of the total sample, nearly twice as high as the Lisak/Miller study — who would be considered rapists. This suggests that the problem is far more widespread than the older study indicated.

Not that I’m happy about this. I’m actually sure it’s even more than this 10.8%, to tell you the truth. It’s definitely unsettling, knowing that I must be passing, saying “hello” to rapists as I go about my day.

But I am glad that people are paying attention to what is happening to women in America, and hope that it improves the lives of my kinfolk.

Joke or offensive? Women problems.

Ok, I need input on something that happened yesterday.

I went to a religious service yesterday. Before the service started, a member of the clergy had the mic & was promoting a special marriage-strengthening event they were hosting. He was just going over the basics, registration info and deadline was approaching. Then, he closed with a joke:

Just to be clear, this is for your WIFE. I’m looking at some of you out there…. 

to which the response from the congregation was laughter.

It was a joke, after all. This offended me. My question is: Should it have?

sexist is wrongMy point was that his joke implies that some of these men have a wife AND a girlfriend. And this was a man of God, speaking in the house of God. And by his acknowledging that men there have a wife and a gf, it *validates* this behavior. A man of God is validating the behavior of the destruction of a *union of God*. This is how I saw it. And I saw it as so incredibly disrespectful to dismiss this UNGODLY behavior as a joke (number 1).

Then, number 2, I was offended that the congregation laughed at this. And it hit me that this is because this type of joke is normalized SO MUCH that no one blinks at them. They are accepted & acceptable. I feel that I was completely in the right to be offended, and others should also be offended, but since it’s normalized, they won’t be. Until their eyes are opened.

Now, here’s what I was told: I was told that this is just part of the culture, and is a joke. And maybe I don’t get it because I’m not of the culture. That the clergy member meant it as “don’t do this”, but said it in a joke way for everyone. And that everyone is fine with it, and I shouldn’t be offended.

So, my question is, should I have been offended?

Now, I have to say, what was said to me: that I don’t understand the culture, that everyone from the culture is ok with it and gets it. They get that it’s not offensive. These seem like all the same arguments that proponents of the Confederate Flag use.

Why vote for Hillary Clinton?

hillary bamf1Update (8/13): it will likely come out to more than 90 reasons. Since I’m adding a new reason everyday, I’m sticking this post to the top of the page. For newer posts, scroll down. I’m also putting the date I added each, so it’s easier to spot the newer reasons.  😉

Hopefully this will answer the question, “Why should I vote for Hillary Clinton?”.

Continue reading

Jared Leto won the Internet

This won the internet for me today. Maybe this week. Maybe this year. It may be the best thing I’ve seen since the Macaulay Culkin picture.

to the ‘Bernie or Bust’ folks:


My love for all things Bernie is exactly why I’m voting for Hillary (now). DNC has approved the MOST PROGRESSIVE platform in their history (80% of Bernie’s platform was adopted by them). You still get to vote for Bernie’s platform, and get to have him keeping those clowns in check in Congress. You can PROMOTE Bernie to Majority Leader in the Senate. You can still vote for Bernie’s ideas, via the DNC platform.

If you live in an influential state, you have a moral obligation to vote for Bernie.

This is not directed to you Green Party members, those of you who have supported 3rd party candidates in the past. This is to the ‘Bernie or Bust’ congregation. Those that have the luxury of throwing a tantrum, because their lives won’t substantially change if Trump gets elected. Those that have not faced racism or oppression.

If you are a 3rd party member, especially  if you live in Texas, then by all means, vote for your 3rd party candidate. Make some noise for the 3rd parties. Let America know that we deserve more than a 2-party system.

RNC is a Hot Mess

You know what? I look forward to this stuff every other year. Debates, the convention. But DANG. I don’t know if I can stomach more of the RNC this year.

After yesterday:


Sign says: Kick my dog 4 Trump / Not in the face please.


Is this a way to conduct ourselves in one of the most developed nations?

What’s more vulgar?

Question: What’s more vulgar? A pic of D.Trump kissing Ted Cruz on one road in Cleveland during the RNC? Or a photo of an aborted fetus flown over the city of Philadelphia during the DNC?

What’s more vulgar? Who really wins in this? How childish has this election year become?

2016 love trumps hate.jpg

I have no issue with 2 men kissing.

For me, it’s the sight of Trump & Cruz. In fact, I saw a pic once of Cruz kissing his wife & I found that repugnant. Because I find *him* repugnant.

That said, I think it will offend the GOP because it is 2 men kissing. Most of the GOP hates Trump, so they won’t care about having to look at his repugnant mug. But the RNC, where some of them are supporting Trump (some tried on Thurs to still out him), and those will be offended.

I think the abortion picture sounds worse to me, because I know kids. Kids love planes, and will look up if they hear a plane. Since it’s low flying, they’ll hear it. While I am pro-choice, I don’t think children should be subjected to such a graphic picture. I think the GOP would say the Trump pic is graphic, but children will only see it as 2 men (not 2 heinous men), and kids don’t have any issues with that.

I’m tired of guns now

America, you told me I needed to carry a gun.
You said if those that went out dancing in Orlando had a gun, this wouldn’t have happened.

Though, I’m not sure where a gun would fit in my party dress.

My dress didn’t have pockets.
My dress was short and light.
It swayed as I moved.
A bulky holster? On my dress for a hot Floridian night?
It wouldn’t go.

So I got shot instead.
Because I had no gun.

Then I did carry a gun.
For protection while I tried to make money for my family.
I had a family – five kids.
I had trouble holding a traditional job, but I could sell CDs.
I carried a gun just like you told me to do, America.

Someone said I was a nuisance, and called the police to come find me.
They found me.
They pinned me to the ground.

Then they shot me.
Because someone said I had a gun.

So then I carried my gun.
I was not considered a nuisance by anyone.
I was driving with my loved ones when I got pulled over.
I did as America told me.
I had my gun with my concealed carry.
I told the officer I had my concealed carry gun.
I told him I was going to reach for my wallet.
That’s what you told me to say, America.

What you didn’t tell me was that he would shoot me anyway.
Because I did as you said I should.

So what now? What do you want from me?
I’ve done everything you’ve asked of me.
Where does that leave us?
I no longer feel safe.

I’m tired of guns now.
Can I shoot them to make them go away?

Note: I have been distraught about Orlando for the last few weeks. Then yesterday morning, woke to hear about Alton Sterling. I heard something about a man in Minnesota and the fb video, but couldn’t stand to hear/see more. I still haven’t seen either of the videos, for love of myself. But I read the account of Philando Castile by his fiancée today. And I got sick. That is to say that I had to go to the bathroom because I got physically sick. In the bathroom, I started coming up with this. I grabbed my phone and started putting down my thoughts and the above is what came out.

Tags: Orlando, guns, NRA, Alton Sterling, Philando Castile, good guy with a gun.

the tailbone is connected to nerve endings

I’ve hurt myself. Not a cut or bruise; that’s usual. I’ve seriously hurt myself for the first time ever. Someone who has never broken a bone or had any sort of surgery in her life.

I fell. HARD. And x-rays show that while I haven’t broken anything, I’ve suffered a contusion. On my tailbone. And it HURTS.

And doing what, pray tell? Some fun, extreme sport? Running or hiking in nature? No. I was simply demonstrating wall sits to my sister. We were discussing squats, and different exercises, and I wanted to demonstrate a ‘wall sit’. It was early morning (7am, before coffee, before work), and I had *just* put on socks. This is an important detail, as my sister has new, slick laminate hardwood flooring. I just finished saying “I should probably not do this after just putting on socks…”; which I thought acknowledged that I understood the safety risk and was about to be super careful with my balance. No sooner had I made the statement & put my arms outstretched in front of me, did my feet sliiide out from underneath me & I came down. On my tailbone. Auuuuggghh.

My sister, visibly alarmed, came running up to me but did not touch me. I just laid there for a bit, and somehow crawled my way onto the plush carpeting of the living room. Where I laid in the fetal position until the initial pain subsided.

In asking me some questions, my sister determined I had a contusion. This is a word I didn’t know; but she said it just means a more serious bruise. I eventually found myself being X-rayed because the doctor I went to see decided to press against my tailbone saying “Does this hurt?”. Instead of a yes or no, I squealed in pain. She called for an X-ray. Turns out my sister was right.
BlurImage(11-5-2016 2-29-28)


That was Thursday. It is now Wednesday. I still hurt. Sitting in a car hurts. Bending down hurts. Needless to say, I have been dropping everything this week. With no one around to bend down & pick the item up for me. I went to scan my badge at my workplace entry, and DROPPED MY BADGE. Ugh. Beeeeennnnding down slowly is a struggle. I was standing in line at TSA, prepared for the security with my boarding pass & driver’s license in hand. And dropped my driver’s license. I have always been a vocal person, so of course there’s an “Auuuuggghhhh” as I slooooowly bend down to try to pick up this completely flat object that is laying against the floor.

I get that I didn’t break a bone still. I get that I am very blessed to have health insurance to go see a doctor, and have the medical facility have an x-ray machine right there for an instant diagnosis. I am very blessed to have the resources available to me. My work even allows me to work from home. Here’s my (admittedly first-world) problem: I can’t workout.

For me, working out is a stress reliever. I will sweat on the elliptical or treadmill; and I can *feel* all the toxins leaving my body. All the stresses of the day leave my body in that sweat. I am energized and feel this combination of happiness/strength. My mood is elevated. I do Pilates, and feel a sense of calm & confidence. I feel like I can take on whatever the world throws at me next. I’m READY.

But this time, this time is different. I’m about to go to South Beach, Miami in 3 weeks. My BFFs and I turn 40 this year. We’ve never gone away together, even though in our 20s, we always said that when we’re older & in our own worlds, we will take the time to vacation together to stay connected. These are my soul sistas. I love these girls, and they understand me. This is rare in life to find someone who understands you; may not always agree with you, but will stand by your side.

I’ve never been to Miami before. What I know of Miami is that J-Lo lives there, and people basically wear tube tops as both top & bottom. LOL.

The plan was to be in shape for the beach & the dance clubs. I’ve gained like 10 lbs in the last 6 months, and wanted to at least drop some of that.

This is my major discontentment with my injury. Not the struggle, the pain, the constant soreness. But that I can’t workout. Not just for my mental sanity, but for the shallowest of reasons. At least I can admit that.

But geez, turning 40, and taking longer to heal is a pain. Literally.