I’m tired of guns now

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America, you told me I needed to carry a gun.
You said if those that went out dancing in Orlando had a gun, this wouldn’t have happened.

Though, I’m not sure where a gun would fit in my party dress.

My dress didn’t have pockets.
My dress was short and light.
It swayed as I moved.
A bulky holster? On my dress for a hot Floridian night?
It wouldn’t go.

So I got shot instead.
Because I had no gun.

Then I did carry a gun.
For protection while I tried to make money for my family.
I had a family – five kids.
I had trouble holding a traditional job, but I could sell CDs.
I carried a gun just like you told me to do, America.

Someone said I was a nuisance, and called the police to come find me.
They found me.
They pinned me to the ground.

Then they shot me.
Because someone said I had a gun.

So then I carried my gun.
I was not considered a nuisance by anyone.
I was driving with my loved ones when I got pulled over.
I did as America told me.
I had my gun with my concealed carry.
I told the officer I had my concealed carry gun.
I told him I was going to reach for my wallet.
That’s what you told me to say, America.

What you didn’t tell me was that he would shoot me anyway.
Because I did as you said I should.

So what now? What do you want from me?
I’ve done everything you’ve asked of me.
Where does that leave us?
I no longer feel safe.

I’m tired of guns now.
Can I shoot them to make them go away?

Note: I have been distraught about Orlando for the last few weeks. Then yesterday morning, woke to hear about Alton Sterling. I heard something about a man in Minnesota and the fb video, but couldn’t stand to hear/see more. I still haven’t seen either of the videos, for love of myself. But I read the account of Philando Castile by his fiancée today. And I got sick. That is to say that I had to go to the bathroom because I got physically sick. In the bathroom, I started coming up with this. I grabbed my phone and started putting down my thoughts and the above is what came out.

Tags: Orlando, guns, NRA, Alton Sterling, Philando Castile, good guy with a gun.

the tailbone is connected to nerve endings

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I’ve hurt myself. Not a cut or bruise; that’s usual. I’ve seriously hurt myself for the first time ever. Someone who has never broken a bone or had any sort of surgery in her life.

I fell. HARD. And x-rays show that while I haven’t broken anything, I’ve suffered a contusion. On my tailbone. And it HURTS.

And doing what, pray tell? Some fun, extreme sport? Running or hiking in nature? No. I was simply demonstrating wall sits to my sister. We were discussing squats, and different exercises, and I wanted to demonstrate a ‘wall sit’. It was early morning (7am, before coffee, before work), and I had *just* put on socks. This is an important detail, as my sister has new, slick laminate hardwood flooring. I just finished saying “I should probably not do this after just putting on socks…”; which I thought acknowledged that I understood the safety risk and was about to be super careful with my balance. No sooner had I made the statement & put my arms outstretched in front of me, did my feet sliiide out from underneath me & I came down. On my tailbone. Auuuuggghh.

My sister, visibly alarmed, came running up to me but did not touch me. I just laid there for a bit, and somehow crawled my way onto the plush carpeting of the living room. Where I laid in the fetal position until the initial pain subsided.

In asking me some questions, my sister determined I had a contusion. This is a word I didn’t know; but she said it just means a more serious bruise. I eventually found myself being X-rayed because the doctor I went to see decided to press against my tailbone saying “Does this hurt?”. Instead of a yes or no, I squealed in pain. She called for an X-ray. Turns out my sister was right.
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That was Thursday. It is now Wednesday. I still hurt. Sitting in a car hurts. Bending down hurts. Needless to say, I have been dropping everything this week. With no one around to bend down & pick the item up for me. I went to scan my badge at my workplace entry, and DROPPED MY BADGE. Ugh. Beeeeennnnding down slowly is a struggle. I was standing in line at TSA, prepared for the security with my boarding pass & driver’s license in hand. And dropped my driver’s license. I have always been a vocal person, so of course there’s an “Auuuuggghhhh” as I slooooowly bend down to try to pick up this completely flat object that is laying against the floor.

I get that I didn’t break a bone still. I get that I am very blessed to have health insurance to go see a doctor, and have the medical facility have an x-ray machine right there for an instant diagnosis. I am very blessed to have the resources available to me. My work even allows me to work from home. Here’s my (admittedly first-world) problem: I can’t workout.

For me, working out is a stress reliever. I will sweat on the elliptical or treadmill; and I can *feel* all the toxins leaving my body. All the stresses of the day leave my body in that sweat. I am energized and feel this combination of happiness/strength. My mood is elevated. I do Pilates, and feel a sense of calm & confidence. I feel like I can take on whatever the world throws at me next. I’m READY.

But this time, this time is different. I’m about to go to South Beach, Miami in 3 weeks. My BFFs and I turn 40 this year. We’ve never gone away together, even though in our 20s, we always said that when we’re older & in our own worlds, we will take the time to vacation together to stay connected. These are my soul sistas. I love these girls, and they understand me. This is rare in life to find someone who understands you; may not always agree with you, but will stand by your side.

I’ve never been to Miami before. What I know of Miami is that J-Lo lives there, and people basically wear tube tops as both top & bottom. LOL.

The plan was to be in shape for the beach & the dance clubs. I’ve gained like 10 lbs in the last 6 months, and wanted to at least drop some of that.

This is my major discontentment with my injury. Not the struggle, the pain, the constant soreness. But that I can’t workout. Not just for my mental sanity, but for the shallowest of reasons. At least I can admit that.

But geez, turning 40, and taking longer to heal is a pain. Literally.

#HappyBirthdayTwitter

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Today is Twitter’s 10th birthday. I love Twitter. It’s the birthplace of hashtags, trending topics, and where I can count on to get need in REAL TIME, from REAL PEOPLE.

It was instrumental in the change of the Iranian government. It aided people looking for shelter in Paris during the Charlie Hebdo scare.

On a personal note, I love being able to connect globally in real time with others while watching (over the years):
– presidential debates
– American Idol
– Golden Globes (& other awards shows)

It’s a place to celebrate Diwali with the hashtag #SalMubarak, and see everyone’s wishes for the coming year worldwide. To see wishes for Ramadan by following #EidMubarak. To see all different cultures and how they celebrate their various traditions.

It has united our world. Facebook is only friends. But Twitter was a network of EVERYONE, in a concise manner.

just having fun as the KKK

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Just saying what the heck is WRONG with people doesn’t even begin to address this. It’s not enough anymore. Now we have to point it out when we see it. There’s just too much of it.

links to news articleWith social media, these former “closet racists” have found acceptance and are moving out into the open.

Which is a good thing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad they are coming out of the woodwork.

I went to college with a guy who wrote off the KKK as urban legend, essentially. He said they don’t really exist anymore. Even after several examples of the hate group I showed him in current time. And he dismissed it, saying it’s harmless. HARMLESS.

This is real, and it’s happening TODAY. And people think it’s ok. It’s not ok.

People think it’s acceptable to dress up & pretend to be part of a hate group. A hate group, that I add is still very active today. We’re seeing black churches being burned down at an alarming rate. The NAACP bombing. And lots of little other crimes not brought to mainstream news.

It’s not ok to dress up as the KKK. It’s not “fun & games”.

The need for an open casket

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links to post on daliykosThis is so spot on.

We eventually pay for care, or lack of. In this case, the lack of preventative care ends up costing Americans so much more. But also the care for those uninsured costs insured Americans too. That’s why I support the ACA (Obamacare), which makes general preventative care free, and has allowed so many uninsured to get insurance. There was a need for that in this country.

We shouldn’t be dying, nor allowing others to die.

My customized weekly mixtape

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My weekly Spotify customized mixtape shocked me today. It had some ‘to be expected’ but hadn’t heard in a while (112, DeBarge), and some of the usual (New Order). But then, it broke out something I hadn’t heard in decades! ‘Waiting for the Star to Fall’ – Boy meets Girl. Who remembers this song?