I’m tired of guns now

America, you told me I needed to carry a gun.
You said if those that went out dancing in Orlando had a gun, this wouldn’t have happened.

Though, I’m not sure where a gun would fit in my party dress.

My dress didn’t have pockets.
My dress was short and light.
It swayed as I moved.
A bulky holster? On my dress for a hot Floridian night?
It wouldn’t go.

So I got shot instead.
Because I had no gun.

Then I did carry a gun.
For protection while I tried to make money for my family.
I had a family – five kids.
I had trouble holding a traditional job, but I could sell CDs.
I carried a gun just like you told me to do, America.

Someone said I was a nuisance, and called the police to come find me.
They found me.
They pinned me to the ground.

Then they shot me.
Because someone said I had a gun.

So then I carried my gun.
I was not considered a nuisance by anyone.
I was driving with my loved ones when I got pulled over.
I did as America told me.
I had my gun with my concealed carry.
I told the officer I had my concealed carry gun.
I told him I was going to reach for my wallet.
That’s what you told me to say, America.

What you didn’t tell me was that he would shoot me anyway.
Because I did as you said I should.

So what now? What do you want from me?
I’ve done everything you’ve asked of me.
Where does that leave us?
I no longer feel safe.

I’m tired of guns now.
Can I shoot them to make them go away?

Note: I have been distraught about Orlando for the last few weeks. Then yesterday morning, woke to hear about Alton Sterling. I heard something about a man in Minnesota and the fb video, but couldn’t stand to hear/see more. I still haven’t seen either of the videos, for love of myself. But I read the account of Philando Castile by his fiancée today. And I got sick. That is to say that I had to go to the bathroom because I got physically sick. In the bathroom, I started coming up with this. I grabbed my phone and started putting down my thoughts and the above is what came out.