miniture Santa

So, I’ve finally figured out how Santa does it! You know how he flies around the world, going up & down countless chimneys, delivering millions* of presents?

Well, I’ve figured it out! He’s miniature. Like the size of a thumb or something. We all know of his elves. Well, what we don’t know is that his elves make miniature presents, & Santa can easily stow & deliver them, & when his reindeer fly away, their hooves scatter a dusting (magical, natch). This magic dust makes the presents into regular sized toys!

Santa having a brewski

This brilliant theory of mine helps explain how:

a. The elves are able to produce such a large quantity in not as much time.

b. The sleigh is able to hold all these presents.

c. He & the presents are able to easily slide down the chimneys.

*maybe not millions. We all know it’s nearly impossible to be “good all year round”.

penal farming

I think we all know I’m a genius. I’ve proven it over & over again, w/ my innovative solutions to the worlds problems. Fer example, my ideas to…
- stop hurricanes on the Gulf Coast
- keep these yung bulls from wearing their pants down past their underpants
- get more ppl into protesting

Well, I’ve come up w/ another winner!

Penal Farming. Here’s how & why it works.

How: Those incarcerated in our justice system, go to work on farms in their area. They could get bussed over there, then bussed back at the end of the day.

Why: You know how you get cranky when you’re hungry? & how you are elated when you eat a really good meal?!?! Well, a lot of prisoners prob spent their lives eating crappy fast food. Then, in jail, they eat crappy prison food. If they work on the farms, & get to eat fresh, local, non-hormonal food; it may even their tempers. Also, food fuels your body & brain. They’ll be calmer, happier, well-balanced. More prone to rehabilitation. They’ll be doing something, & seeing the fruits (& veggies… haha!) of their labor.

Also, farmers in America are struggling. This would help alleviate their costs.