date #1

I couldn’t think of a more apt title for this post.  My first shaadi date.  But more significant, my first date in over 10 years!  I met a guy on Shaadi, and have been chatting with him on IM for the last few weeks.  He lives in the area, so wanted to meet in person, which makes perfect sense.  Only thing was I was so sick.  So, I delayed the process of meeting in person.  I didn’t think that I was at my best looking while sniffling & coughing!  ;)

It’s partly my own fault for getting sick.  I hadn’t been sick in years, and have been boasting about this since Fall.  Famous last words.  Of course I was going to get sick.

Anyway, we’d been chatting online for a couple weeks.  I already felt hesitant about him due to our chats.  He kept bringing up kissing. Everytime we chatted, something about kissing.

First, he asked if I like kissing?  Weird.  Then, if I thought I was a good kisser.  What kind of person is going to be like “oh no, I’m a horrible kisser”?!  Then asked if I would kiss him on our first date.  I said that I wasn’t really into PDA.  So, he said we could go to his car “high school style”.  I told him that I didn’t know what kind of girl he thought I was in high school, but I did NOT go around kissing boys in cars!

I should have known from all that chatting, that he was not the one for me.  But I thought, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt.

So, we were planning to meet that Monday, after work, at a restaurant half-way between the two of us.  I sent him an IM at about 3:30, saying that my work colleague just told me her mom was on her deathbed, and she was leaving in 2 days to fly to India.  I told him I’d be a little late, and he came off as exasperated by this news.  WHAT?!?  Did you not just read that her mom is on her DEATHBED?!?!  What the heck?  So, I told him to calm down, I’m only talking like 10 mins late.  Which is not a big deal.  So, I’d meet him at 4:55pm.  Remember this, this is important later.

So, I send him a msg at 4:20, saying I’m on my way.  Now, if I say I’m on my way, about 30 mins before I’m to meet you, and I’m 30 mins away, then guess what…  that means that between now & the time that you actually SEE ME, I’m DRIVING.  So, how come as I’m driving on the crazy Michigan highway, that I hear my phone going “ping” “ping” “Ping”!  I don’t know if I’ve mentioned here before, but MI drivers are crazy.  They speed and leave no stopping distance.  So, I get off the highway, and at a light, I check my phone.  He’s asking where I am.  Dude, I’m somewhere, on the road, driving halfway between work & the restaurant.  Use your brain.  So, I put, “ETA 4:51″ and “driving” so he stops sending me msgs.  Then, I get a ping “OK”.  Then, right at 4:51, as I’m pulling into the parking lot, I get another.  Ping.  “Zzzzz”.  Not kidding.  I was driving, so didn’t look at it then.  But I glance at my phone as I’m getting out of my car, and see this latest ping, get irritated, then look up, searching for the door to the restaurant, when I see a guy get out of his car, looking at me.  Are you kidding me?  You’ve been here, falling asleep waiting, but didn’t think to go inside and get us a table?

Ok.  Breathe.  He can’t be this bad.  Maybe it’s just nerves of first date that’s making him act so obnoxious.

So, we go in, sit down.  Our server is a bit slow & he makes fun of him as he’s walking away.  Not cool, dude.  I say that he’s obviously got some type of slowness, and it’s admirable that he’s working and doing a decent job, just a bit slow.  This doesn’t stop his comments about the server.

I ask him about his family, and get him to tell me a story about him with his nieces/nephews.  He tells me of when he went home to visit them, and took them out to the Toys R Us, and after some time, he turned to them to see a cart FULL of toys.  I said to him “Please tell me you didn’t just buy them everything.  Please tell me you had them select some special item each.”  Nope.  He said that cart full of toys cost him over $500.  I told him he was a sucker, and he’s doing the kids and the kids parents a disservice by just buying all that stuff.

After about a half-hour, he asked what I was up to that night, because he had to leave soon.  He had a baseball game that night (about 45 mins away), and would I like to come watch him play???  What?  I said well then why did you agree to meet tonight if you had a baseball game?  He said he forgot about the game.  But I told him that he obviously remembered sometime today.  Why not send me a msg saying, hey let’s meet tomorrow night instead?  No real response to that.  Whatever.tree and leave

We hang out a little longer, and eventually head out.  I ask what kind of car he has, and he says he has a Honda Accord now.  But the way he says it, it’s obvious he’s upset about having an Accord.  I said, “Why do you say it like that? I love Accords. They’re awesome!”  He said he used to have a Range Rover (or Land Rover, or something like that), and that he totaled it.  I asked what happened, and he said he didn’t want to tell me because I’ll judge him for it.  Well, now I’m totally judging him AND imagining what wrecked it (drunk driving is my guess, from his tales of being out at bars with his buddies).

We walk out, and to his car.  HIS CAR.  That is, he did not walk me to my car, which he saw me getting out of earlier.  He stops short in front of his car.  Really?  You’re not going to walk me to my car?  Even my friends walk me out to my car.  Ok.  So we stop at his car.  And he goes in for a kiss.  To which I turn my cheek.  He wants to kiss on the lips.  I said no, but he could kiss me on the cheek.  He says “oh my god”.  My response is “OH MY GOD IS RIGHT!”  Because he’s so obnoxious.

So, at least I got date #1 out of the way.  What’s that saying, “you always throw out the first pancake”.

how you live your life

Every weekend, my dad calls me in the 8 o’clock hour.  Saturday and/or Sunday; usually just one of the two days.  8 A.M.  However, I woke this morning on my own & texted them at about 8:15.  My first thought was to go back to sleep, of course.  But I knew I couldn’t do it.  They texted back, and so I called them instead of texting more.

We talked about a couple things – my sister’s pending baby shower, my other sister’s birthday & how they were going to make it special.  Then I wanted to talk to them about my cousin.

We just got the news yesterday that my cousin passed away.  He was diagnosed with leukemia a month ago, & just finished a round of chemo last week.  Apparently, No One Knew.  I have 2 other cousins (they are his cousins as well), who live in the same area as him (ATL, Georgia).  He didn’t tell anyone else in our family.  I’m not sure who in his family knew.

He passed, I think, about 3am Friday morning.  The only person in our extended family that knew was my uncle, who is in Africa right now.  He found someplace that has wifi, and thankfully my cousin in NJ happened to be online at the time.  He told her via IM.  She called my cousin in ATL, who called me.  Anyway, none of that matters.

I was talking to my dad this morning, and he told me that.  None of it matters.

It doesn’t matter how he died.
It doesn’t matter when he died.
It doesn’t even matter who knows, or when.

All that matters is how he LIVED.

live_life_the_way_rememberdHe was so jovial. So respectful. I don’t know if this is going to make sense. But he’s one of those people that really didn’t have to tell his kids how to be. He just WAS. And that’s how they knew how to be. Like, he always showed so much respect for anyone older than him. Heck, he showed so much respect for anyone, period. He always came at each day full force. Never a complaint about anything. Always so happy to see anyone & everyone. I don’ t even know how to describe it.

Just so grateful for life, love, and family.

And that’s really all I think of when I think of him. Just his spirit.

So, I get what my dad said to me this morning. No one is going to care about your death when you’re gone. They’re only going to care about how you lived.

I’m so grateful to have known him. So happy that someone like him lived on this earth with the rest of us, and that his legacy will live on.

Aside

all the curly-haired girls

I have super curly hair. I think I’ve mentioned that before.

Well, I’ve straightened my hairs for a job interview & for new job. And have been continuing to straighten it for work. The simple truth is that it’s easier in the morning to get ready. For my new job, I have to be up at 6am, & AT WORK around 7:45-8am. I can take a shower in 8 mins flat if my hair is straight (w/ a shower cap); 12 mins tops. Then another 5 mins to style it.

If it’s curly, it takes anywhere from 22 mins (shortest shower time) to 45 mins (not max, but around that) to shower. Then another 15-20 mins to style, and like 3 hours before it’s dry (because I can’t use a hair dryer on curly hair).

I used to start work at 9:30am. I’m at my new job around 7:45-8am everyday.

Hence, it made sense to simply straighten my hair daily.

However, my cousin said something to me that made me think twice about it. She mentioned that she (a curly-haired sister), has 2 curly-haired girls, and they “see” what I do. Whether overtly or if it goes into their subconscious. I don’t want them thinking they need to not be who they are naturally. I want them to love themselves as they are, without wanting to change.aunt neice

It made me remember that what each of us do, no matter how small, is always seen by someone else. I made sure they got how much I loved their natural hair, and how lucky they were to have it. :)

forgive student loans

I’ma put in my 2 cents too.

When you get a student loan, you sign a PROMISSORY NOTE to get that loan. PROMISSORY. You LITERALLY PROMISE to pay that money back.

Teaching impressionable, quick to jump young adults that you can just take money for free is irresponsible. If anything, we need to tackle the issue of rising tuition costs that are out of control. NOT teach our youth that you can sign a promissory note for tens of thousands of dollars & just ask them to be “forgiven”. It’s not like you ate your co-workers piece of cake. It’s TENS of THOUSANDS of dollas! And you signed a paper after “loan counseling” PROMISING to pay it back! Are we teaching STUDENTS, those who are signing up asking to learn, that reneging on your word is the way to start your independent life?!?!?!

For the record, b/c for some reason, my personal experience will be questioned & thought of as relevant — I did take out loans. I was not given a free education. I am the daughter of immigrants. I did work 80-90 hrs a week during my summers from college, & I did take 10 yrs to pay off my loans. But I did pay them off, & I’m glad I did. My student loans taught me to budget, be responsible, & helped me raise my credit score. And if I do say so myself, my credit score is pretty spectacular!

not yet grown up

This past week, I’ve seen 2 fb invites from the same group of ppl. Here’s the latest one.

You are graduating college, & proud to say “hello adulthood”. Well, an adult prob wouldn’t put up a public event like this. Esp considering you’ll prob be looking for a job upgrade after graduation. Is this what you want your potential employer to see? You know they check social media sites, right?

_______________________

And this one for a GNO last night at an annual arts/music/tech/educ festival.

I actually proposed this to the person who asked for a girls’ night get-together. “Hey, I’m going to Ingenuity on Friday night. How bout you gals come meet up w/ me & my girlfriends there?”

Whoa. The next day, I get this invite & there’s over a hundred girls invited to it! The comments on that page were ridiculous…. about making sure to pick up lime in case they end up killing a hooker that night.

Um. If I click “I’m attending”, then EVERY ONE of my friends would be able to click the event to see what it’s about & see that stuff. I have some professional contacts on my friends list. Yes, they are in a category, but this event page is a public page.

Not only do I not do “whoring”; but even if I did, I would prob not put on a public page that I did it.

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you can’t win w/ health insurance

You just can’t get your own health insurance. You can’t. It’ll suck.

Though, my new company health insurance plan sucks too. So, which to pick?

Our company used to have our health plan through Kaiser Permanente. A handful of us were the only ones who liked it. Everyone else didn’t. So, we switched to Anthem, which everyone else loves, but I hate.

They love it b/c they use their own docs. Even w/ Kaiser, which didn’t really allow for that, they did, & just paid the extra surcharge.

Well, I don’t have a doc. So, when I had to make an appt just to get a refill on my old prescription, I picked a doc & called to make an appt. Was told there wasn’t an opening for 2 months. I told them I didn’t care who I saw, anyone was fine, I just needed a new script. 1 month wait for that.

What if I was seriously sick? It’d be 2 months? I’d be dead by then.

W/ Kaiser, I’d call in the morn & would get to see a doc that afternoon. It might not be *my* doc, but since everything was on the internal computer system, they had my complete health history right in front of them. If I needed an x-ray or blood taken, I’d simply go downstairs to either lab.

W/ the new Anthem, if I need blood work, I need to go to a special Quest lab. I don’t even know where those are. I’m not sure that x-rays are covered.

photo from flickr user Steve Rhodes - click to go to his photos

A co-worker thought she’d stepped on a nail, so called to get a tetanus shot. She was told she’d have to pay the co-pay for the appt, plus whatever the shot cost (this can be $85 or more, depending). She also found out that if she’d asked for the same shot the day before, it’d be just the $15 co-pay b/c it woulda been a “preventative procedure”. Now that she’d stepped on a nail (she thinks), it’s a “diagnostic procedure”. Um…. sounds like pre-existing condition to me.

But isn’t that the whole point of insurance. Doesn’t the word itself mean that you’re investing your money in the case that something does happen?!?! They’re the ones that are supposed to be there to FIX whatever happens. I know that’s how my car insurance works. I don’t get a new bumper before I’m in an accident.

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