date #1

I couldn’t think of a more apt title for this post.  My first shaadi date.  But more significant, my first date in over 10 years!  I met a guy on Shaadi, and have been chatting with him on IM for the last few weeks.  He lives in the area, so wanted to meet in person, which makes perfect sense.  Only thing was I was so sick.  So, I delayed the process of meeting in person.  I didn’t think that I was at my best looking while sniffling & coughing!  ;)

It’s partly my own fault for getting sick.  I hadn’t been sick in years, and have been boasting about this since Fall.  Famous last words.  Of course I was going to get sick.

Anyway, we’d been chatting online for a couple weeks.  I already felt hesitant about him due to our chats.  He kept bringing up kissing. Everytime we chatted, something about kissing.

First, he asked if I like kissing?  Weird.  Then, if I thought I was a good kisser.  What kind of person is going to be like “oh no, I’m a horrible kisser”?!  Then asked if I would kiss him on our first date.  I said that I wasn’t really into PDA.  So, he said we could go to his car “high school style”.  I told him that I didn’t know what kind of girl he thought I was in high school, but I did NOT go around kissing boys in cars!

I should have known from all that chatting, that he was not the one for me.  But I thought, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt.

So, we were planning to meet that Monday, after work, at a restaurant half-way between the two of us.  I sent him an IM at about 3:30, saying that my work colleague just told me her mom was on her deathbed, and she was leaving in 2 days to fly to India.  I told him I’d be a little late, and he came off as exasperated by this news.  WHAT?!?  Did you not just read that her mom is on her DEATHBED?!?!  What the heck?  So, I told him to calm down, I’m only talking like 10 mins late.  Which is not a big deal.  So, I’d meet him at 4:55pm.  Remember this, this is important later.

So, I send him a msg at 4:20, saying I’m on my way.  Now, if I say I’m on my way, about 30 mins before I’m to meet you, and I’m 30 mins away, then guess what…  that means that between now & the time that you actually SEE ME, I’m DRIVING.  So, how come as I’m driving on the crazy Michigan highway, that I hear my phone going “ping” “ping” “Ping”!  I don’t know if I’ve mentioned here before, but MI drivers are crazy.  They speed and leave no stopping distance.  So, I get off the highway, and at a light, I check my phone.  He’s asking where I am.  Dude, I’m somewhere, on the road, driving halfway between work & the restaurant.  Use your brain.  So, I put, “ETA 4:51″ and “driving” so he stops sending me msgs.  Then, I get a ping “OK”.  Then, right at 4:51, as I’m pulling into the parking lot, I get another.  Ping.  “Zzzzz”.  Not kidding.  I was driving, so didn’t look at it then.  But I glance at my phone as I’m getting out of my car, and see this latest ping, get irritated, then look up, searching for the door to the restaurant, when I see a guy get out of his car, looking at me.  Are you kidding me?  You’ve been here, falling asleep waiting, but didn’t think to go inside and get us a table?

Ok.  Breathe.  He can’t be this bad.  Maybe it’s just nerves of first date that’s making him act so obnoxious.

So, we go in, sit down.  Our server is a bit slow & he makes fun of him as he’s walking away.  Not cool, dude.  I say that he’s obviously got some type of slowness, and it’s admirable that he’s working and doing a decent job, just a bit slow.  This doesn’t stop his comments about the server.

I ask him about his family, and get him to tell me a story about him with his nieces/nephews.  He tells me of when he went home to visit them, and took them out to the Toys R Us, and after some time, he turned to them to see a cart FULL of toys.  I said to him “Please tell me you didn’t just buy them everything.  Please tell me you had them select some special item each.”  Nope.  He said that cart full of toys cost him over $500.  I told him he was a sucker, and he’s doing the kids and the kids parents a disservice by just buying all that stuff.

After about a half-hour, he asked what I was up to that night, because he had to leave soon.  He had a baseball game that night (about 45 mins away), and would I like to come watch him play???  What?  I said well then why did you agree to meet tonight if you had a baseball game?  He said he forgot about the game.  But I told him that he obviously remembered sometime today.  Why not send me a msg saying, hey let’s meet tomorrow night instead?  No real response to that.  Whatever.tree and leave

We hang out a little longer, and eventually head out.  I ask what kind of car he has, and he says he has a Honda Accord now.  But the way he says it, it’s obvious he’s upset about having an Accord.  I said, “Why do you say it like that? I love Accords. They’re awesome!”  He said he used to have a Range Rover (or Land Rover, or something like that), and that he totaled it.  I asked what happened, and he said he didn’t want to tell me because I’ll judge him for it.  Well, now I’m totally judging him AND imagining what wrecked it (drunk driving is my guess, from his tales of being out at bars with his buddies).

We walk out, and to his car.  HIS CAR.  That is, he did not walk me to my car, which he saw me getting out of earlier.  He stops short in front of his car.  Really?  You’re not going to walk me to my car?  Even my friends walk me out to my car.  Ok.  So we stop at his car.  And he goes in for a kiss.  To which I turn my cheek.  He wants to kiss on the lips.  I said no, but he could kiss me on the cheek.  He says “oh my god”.  My response is “OH MY GOD IS RIGHT!”  Because he’s so obnoxious.

So, at least I got date #1 out of the way.  What’s that saying, “you always throw out the first pancake”.

more, what NOT to do.

Ok. I’m back on the website. There are still over a hundred ppl to go through. I was just talking to my cousin, & I said

me: “ok, I gotta go to my 2nd job now.”.
him: “huh? Second job? What?”
me: “finding a husband”

I’ve declined about a dozen guys now, for the normal reasons. Now I’ve come to another common turn-off that I haven’t mentioned yet in my previous posts yet.

Don’t put up 4 pictures of yourself, and you’re wearing those super reflective sunglasses in ALL of them! If you have a picture, you’re letting me see what you look like. I CAN’T SEE YOUR FACE. Are you also not going to look me in the eye if we are face-to-face?

You have 1 picture of yourself, and that picture has you in a nice white button-up shirt. Ok, that’s nice. But I don’t want to see your shirt unbuttoned with your shaved/waxed chest showing. Gross. I want a man. Men have hair on their chests.

Don’t have just one picture of yourself, and there’s a child in the picture; and you don’t explain who the child is.

shaadi meme photo

you want a response?

OMG.  These guys.  Seriously?!?!

Ok.  I’m taking this online dating site seriously this time.  I joined it about 6 months ago, logged in twice, got frustrated at the idiots, and deleted my profile.  This time, I’m taking it seriously, and actually looking at the profiles of the “males” who expressed interest in me.  I’m saying “males” in quotes, because I don’t see any real men yet.

Here’s what you should and shouldn’t do to get a response.

– Say something about yourself. See the screenshot from last post. That particular person sent me an interest, and I thought twice about it, and then sent him an email:

Hi Raj.
On your profile, you wrote absolutely nothing about yourself. But I thought I would give you the benefit of the doubt. So I sent you an email asking you to tell me something about yourself. Anything.

What do you like to do? Where did you grow up? How long have you lived where you are? What kind of movies/TV/music/food do you like?

I thought you’d at least respond with any one small description of yourself. I think communication is important in a relationship.

But you still have not said anything about yourself, so I have no idea who you are, or your personality.

Tell me something about yourself.

So he told me that his father is retired and that he’s an only child. NEXT.

– Don’t have 8 (EIGHT!) pictures of yourself, and you are NOT smiling IN A SINGLE ONE! You look like a sourpuss in each of your 8 pictures. I want to be happy in life. I want someone who is already happy with himself, to share in my happiness.

– Don’t use bad punctuation/grammar in your profile. This is your ONLY impression, in most cases. It’s like a resume, right? You double-check your resume/CV to make sure you don’t have typos, bad punctuation, or bad grammar. This is the same thing. Out of the 200 interests I have in my inbox, I have yet to find one to respond to! I’ve made it half-way so far.

shaadi bad punct

– But put up at least ONE picture. This one has NO picture and he’s divorced, so 2 strikes already. Now, the divorced thing is nbd, but it’s only bad here because of the no picture, then the ‘about me’. That’s his place to ‘advertise’ himself, to really sell himself. And he starts off with “Iam a focussed, easy going man…”

shaadi sunny g

Here’s another one. Divorced, no picture, all caps, bad writing. And add a LIAR to the list. You see, on the first page, it says his location is Fremont, CA. Since I have on my criteria, only those in the US, he would pass through. Then, he mentions that he’s in India.

shaadi vinod

This one also is a divorcee, no picture, then this. I don’t even know what a teetotaller is?!?

shaadi teetoller

Ugh. I think that’s enough for tonight. I can’t read through anymore.

re-entering the dating world

I’m re-entering the dating world.  All Indians are familiar with Shaadi.com, but for non-desis that read my blog, it’s a matrimonial site for (mostly) Indians.  It’s not a dating site, it’s a matrimonial site.

In clarifying this, I present to you this profile I found (he was in my 2-way matches).

SH46563219 Hindu, Gujarati, Gujarati, Groom from Other, USA - Mozilla Firefox 162014 124827 PM.bmp

See that part I circled in red?  Um, yeah dude.  That’s the whole reason for everyone on this site.  Thanks for using your “about me” to really sell yourself, and show some of your personality. Also, can’t even demonstrate proper use of “cut & paste”.  NEXT.

Btw- if anyone has any questions on the terms, I’m happy to clarify.
A ‘2-way match’ is one where I meet their criteria for their searches, and they meet mine.
I’ve also added a new category, “shaadi in the city”, for all posts related to this new part of my life.  Stay tuned!

men are wrong

I saw this question posed today:

man wrong

And I have the answer!

Yes.  The man is still wrong.  Because a woman will somehow, someway find out what he said.Remember men, the woman will ALWAYS find out!

Baw hahahahaha!

 

I have children for Christmas

Guess what?
I “adopted” a 3 month old for Christmas!

OGC presents1
I don’t see or meet her, but I get to buy her (& 2 teenagers) Christmas presents! Her ppl (foster parents or DHS) requested a Baby Einstein cd, so I’m totally going to get that for her!! I’m so excited!

It’s a program called “Operation Good Cheer”, and you pick a child’s profile (I got 3), and they each have a wish list of 6 items. You get 3 items minimum, but can get more, and gift wrap them, and put their id # sticker on the wrapped package, and it gets delivered to them!!!

OGC presents2
My 3 month old was exposed to drugs/alcohol while in the womb, and in a home with parent(s) abusing drugs (so she was likely neglected). She’s 3 months and only weighs 8 lbs!!! She breaks my heart! :(

The 2 teen girls also came from homes with substance abuse, and both were sexually abused, one also physically abused. They’re both in a residential treatment facility. The baby is in a foster home.
OGC presents3
My goal this year is to GIVE GIVE GIVE as much as I can. If I’m focusing on putting good out into the world, then there will be some good in the world, and maybe some of it will latch on somewhere!

If you’re interested in participating in Operation Good Cheer (it’s a program put on by Child and Family Services of Michigan, Inc.), check out their website.

Photos from the Operation Good Cheer Facebook page.

How much do we love Shel Silverstein?

SS the voice

SS masks

SS hinges

Image

how you live your life

Every weekend, my dad calls me in the 8 o’clock hour.  Saturday and/or Sunday; usually just one of the two days.  8 A.M.  However, I woke this morning on my own & texted them at about 8:15.  My first thought was to go back to sleep, of course.  But I knew I couldn’t do it.  They texted back, and so I called them instead of texting more.

We talked about a couple things – my sister’s pending baby shower, my other sister’s birthday & how they were going to make it special.  Then I wanted to talk to them about my cousin.

We just got the news yesterday that my cousin passed away.  He was diagnosed with leukemia a month ago, & just finished a round of chemo last week.  Apparently, No One Knew.  I have 2 other cousins (they are his cousins as well), who live in the same area as him (ATL, Georgia).  He didn’t tell anyone else in our family.  I’m not sure who in his family knew.

He passed, I think, about 3am Friday morning.  The only person in our extended family that knew was my uncle, who is in Africa right now.  He found someplace that has wifi, and thankfully my cousin in NJ happened to be online at the time.  He told her via IM.  She called my cousin in ATL, who called me.  Anyway, none of that matters.

I was talking to my dad this morning, and he told me that.  None of it matters.

It doesn’t matter how he died.
It doesn’t matter when he died.
It doesn’t even matter who knows, or when.

All that matters is how he LIVED.

live_life_the_way_rememberdHe was so jovial. So respectful. I don’t know if this is going to make sense. But he’s one of those people that really didn’t have to tell his kids how to be. He just WAS. And that’s how they knew how to be. Like, he always showed so much respect for anyone older than him. Heck, he showed so much respect for anyone, period. He always came at each day full force. Never a complaint about anything. Always so happy to see anyone & everyone. I don’ t even know how to describe it.

Just so grateful for life, love, and family.

And that’s really all I think of when I think of him. Just his spirit.

So, I get what my dad said to me this morning. No one is going to care about your death when you’re gone. They’re only going to care about how you lived.

I’m so grateful to have known him. So happy that someone like him lived on this earth with the rest of us, and that his legacy will live on.

Aside

FYI if you’re a self-righteous (but creepy) mom

To the mom who is overly obsessed with the dress of teenage girls.  Maybe change your priorities so that your righteous, perfect little boys don’t see girls as you do.

offensive post (links to actual post - feel free to go & leave a comment)

offensive post (links to actual post – feel free to go her post & leave a comment)

Also, in this post, why am I seeing a random picture of your chaste boys shirtless & flexing?  Is this post about muscle tone, or your recent vacation day to the beach?  No, it’s a judgmental post on what teenage girls wear in pictures posted on the internet.  So… um… why did you chose THIS post to put up such pictures of your boys?

Being a woman in this world is tough.  I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there is a global trend to disrespect, degrade, declassify, and rape women.  There’s a rape culture in the US, where comedians do stand-up routines where they make jokes about rape.  Women are *literally* paid less than their male counterparts for the same work put forth.

Raising a young lady in this world, a world that objectifies women, is tough.  [I am including you in this statement, because it is clear that you are objectifying these young girls]

I have a lot of little girls in my life.  From newborn girls that my friends have, to teenage nieces.  Guess what?  I make a concerted effort to NOT tell them them how cute they are.  They are FREAKIN ADORABLE.  And yet, it takes so much willpower for me to not say that everytime I see them.  Instead, I tell them how SMART they are.  How FUNNY.  How CHARMING.  And CREATIVE.  That they are STUBBORN & SASSY, but I wouldn’t trade that for the world, because so am I, and we are all FORCES.  Forces for change.  Forces to be reckoned with.  Forces that will bestow compassion and love unto the world.

When raising a young girl, you tell her to hold her head up high and stand up straight, with your shoulders back.  Well, I guess you see this pose as “a seductress with an arched back”.  Why don’t you see her as I do?  And because of the way you see her, you push that viewpoint onto those impressionable young boys that you’re raising.  By your sexualizing these young gals, you’re making them sexualize the girls as well.  Even if they weren’t in the first place.  Why are you putting this spin on the girls?

People dress differently in different parts of our own country, let alone the world.  When you looked at pictures in old National Geographic magazines, of tribal/aborigine people, did you sexualize them?  I know I didn’t.  Why is this objectification of women/girls the first thing that comes into your head when you look at pictures?  Also, what makes you not think that these pictures of your boys & husband (??) in this post would NOT be seen in the same light?  What an odd combination – this judgmental post on pictures with the particular pictures you chose.

Maybe teach your boys to not judge people by how they dress.  Maybe they dress horrid.  Maybe they are completely covered up – does that make them prudes?  If they show skin, does that make them loose?

It seems to me that you are looking through your son’s fb news feed, actively searching for pictures that you think might be provacative, then bringing more attention to them by hiding those friends of theirs.  What do you think this accomplishes?  You realize that they can still go to that friend’s page, & they will likely inspect that picture, scrutinizing it to comprehend why it is so offensive to you?  Do you want them to not be friends at all with this girl?  So then, you’re teaching young men of tomorrow to shun women who may dress immorally (as defined by you).  To judge, jury, & sentence women based on dress?  But you don’t want us judging your boys, right?

Girls are raised from such a young age with these societal ideals of beauty that they must live up to.  In every country.  The view of beauty changes depending on culture, but all young girls face it.  OUR GIRLS JUDGE THEMSELVES ENOUGH.  THEY DON’T NEED YOU.  Or your teaching your boys how to judge them.

Why are you not focused on raising your boys to respect women.  Not to look at them as physical beings, but as complex personalities.

public_shaming_051013-400x470

It’s not the responsibility of all the teenage girls to look and dress how you deem appropriate.  However, it IS your responsibility as the mother of boys to make sure they grow up to treat others with respect.  Not to differentiate between how they view other boys or girls.

What if your son is gay?  Would it be inappropriate for them to be friends then with a young man who, say… posts a picture of himself and his brothers & father, shirtless & flexing on a beach?  Wouldn’t your gay son find that a sexually-charged photo; one that would result in the blocking of that friend?

If you had faith in that you raised your sons to respect others for who they are on the inside, by the ‘content of their character’ instead of the physical package or dressing, you should trust them enough to view others in the proper light.

I’m not saying you’re a creep, I’m just saying your creepy.

getting Tuff on bad guys with guns

Hey. Remember the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun?

AntoinetteTuffWell, Ms. Antoinette Tuff knows another way. With kindness & understanding.

A 20 year-old came into a school with a gun, and she simply talked to him with compassion.

Story here, including her actual 911 call.

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