OK, I know there’s a LOT of confusion in this day & age. We’re all being bombarded by all kinds of media & getting information-overhaul from every direction.

So, I can understand that some of you out there in la-la land are a tad bit confused. And many of you are overwhelmed by all the “stripper songs” that you’re hearing, & you just don’t know which one you should be listening to. They’re everywhere.

And I know you’re thinking: “D, there’s a bunch of stripper songs out, & I just don’t know which one I should go with. Well, I’m here to help, & I’ve devised a guide to these songs to help you. Yes, y’all can thank me later. The important thing is to go w/ the best stripper song that really suits your style. Here’s what we’ve got so far. At the very end, I do finally tell you my fave stripper song of all time. I’m going to give you all the other’s first, cause I’m not trying to influence your decision.

For the hip & trendy, live-for-the-moment punk:
You have 2 songs that are consistently running on the radio today.
1–You have T-Pain’s “I’m N Luv (Wit a Stripper)”. Now, T, you’re no Prince, please spell out ur words! ‘Kay? I’m surprised he actually spelled out the whole word ‘stripper’, & not just ‘strippa’. He also goes by ‘Rappa Ternt Sanga’. I am sooo not a fan of this song. (I totally didn’t mean for that last sentence to come out all valley-girl like, but I guess it kinda did, huh?)
2–You also have Juvenile’s “Rodeo”. Now I am a bit embarrassed to admit this, but I do like this song, it’s got a good beat. He comes out w/ about one song every year that sounds good. Even if he does have temper-issues. I know that he can’t possibly write these songs, b/c they’re all mellow-like, unlike his attitude. Anyway, this particular song is not an overtly ‘stripper’ song, but you know that when it 1st came out, strippers all across the nation were just fighting each other & startin rumbles in back-alleys to call dibs on dancin to this song.

For the 80’s lover:
1–You’ve got the J. Geils Band & ‘Centerfold’. You know that you love to tease up your hair, & always let out a little scream whenever you hear this song come on the adult contemporary/mix-genre radio station you listen to on your way home from work. Ok, so this song isn’t a outright stripper song. But you’ve gotta admit, a—the ‘centerfold’ is either a former stripper who’s now modeling, b—the centerfold’s a model who’s an aspiring stripper, or c—the centerfold’s a wanna-be stripper, but just has stage fright, so she can’t perform.
2–Or, you can claim the Police’s “Roxanne”. I do love this song, it’s also not technically a stripper song, it’s really a hooker song. But let’s face it, most hooker’s do some stripping somewhere in their profession, right?

For the weed-head (aka pot-head, stoner, whatever they’re called in the region you live in):
You can call Tom Waits “Pasties & a G-String” your stripper song. I really don’t think this one requires any additional explanation.

For the 80’s Head-Banger:
You’ve got 3 choices:
Van Halen’s “Beautiful Girls”
Motley Crue’s “Looks that Kill” or “Girls Girls Girls”
Def Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar on Me”

For the ole-school hip-hop-head:
Please, there’s no other way to go but… Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby got Back”!

For the R & B fan:
You can have TLC’s “Red Light Special”. Again, technically not a stripper song, but let’s not get all caught up in the technicalities of it all. ‘Kay?

Old-School Lounge? Well, we’ve gots sumptin for you too:
Burt Bacharach – “The Stripper”. No explanation for this one either.

Disco? Well, I’m a little stumped cause I don’t do disco, but what about:
Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love”. Only cause I have no idea what else to put here. Again, I don’t do disco. Please don’t feel like you have to tell me your fave disco stripper song, cause “I don’t do disco”. Hey, that could be my catch-phrase!

OK, now’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for!!! For those of you who just skipped down here, you’re cheating! But there’s nothing I can really say about it b/c I always skip to the end too. So, most likely, you’re a person after my own heart (is that a real saying?), & you’d probably like my fave the best too.

My fave stripper song is Wyclef Jean’s “Perfect Gentleman”. If you’ve never heard this song, seriously go listen to it (at your fave place to hear a sample of a song). The following are my list of reasons for liking this song the best:

1—It’s got an awesome, funky, danceable, shake-yo-booty beat to it.
2—He ends the main line of the song w/ the word “yo”.
3—It promotes a mingling amongst the different socio-economic groups.
4—There’s a lot of rhyming in it. I do love rhyming in my songs.
5—It’s reminiscent of Madonna’s “Papa don’t Preach”. In this case, Wyclef is trying to call up his mama to tell her he’s in love w/ a stripper (yo).
6—There’s a dedication in the beginning of the song. Not enough songs have dedications now-a-days (or ever).
7—It refers to Chris Rock’s “No Sex in the Champagne Room” bit, which isn’t really a stripper song, but it’s REALLY funny. And I do like to refer to it a lot when talking about urban legends & stuff.
8—I’ve seriously never listened to this song w/out having to sing along, & I always crack up laughing at some point in the song.
9—I just felt like I really should have 9 reasons, so the 9th reason is b/c it ROCKS!
9b—Oh, yeah, & it has a reference to red shoes. I like shoes, & I like the color red.

So, please don’t feel like you have to go with the newest & latest stripper song. Just like whichever one you like. And I know that there has been a drastic decline in the quality of stripper songs, & we should really do something about it. By “we”, I mean other ppl, b/c I am much too lazy to care. Besides, I’ve already got my fave stripper song, remember? Seacrest, OUT.

UPDATE: Ok, so I’ve noticed a HUGE jump in ppl visiting my site, & I checked the referring URL, & apparently there’s a LOT of ppl here who are googling “stripper” & finding my post instead. So, to all y’all who found me that way, I have a few things to say:
“I’m sorry. I am obviously not what you’re looking for.” and…
“Move it along folks, there’s nothin to see here.”
Peace out, yo.